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lyrics

How come every time I order food at a restaurant I get all shy and apologetic and subservient?

Like any waiter or waitress has a total position of authority over me.

Like what’s my problem? I’m not worthy of ordering a meal?

I'm such an idiot.
I’m such a loser!

How come I can’t leave an outgoing message on my answering machine without listening back and re-recording it at least 5 times, trying to sound all casual and cool and lighthearted and unrehearsed.

I'm such an idiot.
I’m such a loser!



Why am I so afraid that everyone’s gonna hate me?

It’s pathetic!

Do you hate me for asking if you hate me?

Why am I so suspicious whenever someone likes me?

If you like me then I hate you

You’re pathetic!

Dude I know it.
It’s pathetic.

How pathetic.

If you have the kind of face 

that no matter where you go,
you look out of place
,
then I love you.

That’s pathetic

If you’re the kind of person
who can’t make up her mind
,
you must be kind

And I love you

That’s pathetic

If getting dressed

triggers in you

total out-of-hand
self consciousness.

Then I love you.

That’s pathetic

If the simple act
of tipping a barrista

fills you with self-loathing
Then I love you.

That’s pathetic

If you have trouble looking people in the eye

You’re an allright guy

And I love you.

Pathetic!

But if I love you


Will you hate me?

How pathetic

Don’t you think I know it

That’s pathetic

Don’t you think I hate it?

You’re pathetic

Don’t you, don’t you, don’t you think it makes me hate myself?

credits

from Happier Than You, released March 24, 2020

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Jesus H Christ and the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse New York, New York

"Jesus H Christ and the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse has a crusading horn section, some fine guitar playing, and a growing catalogue of sharply satirical power pop."- The New Yorker

"Sounding a little like Amy Sedaris fronting Fountains of Wayne."
-Pitchfork

"Like asparagus, olives, Zappa and cum, Jesus H Christ are an acquired taste." - Leicester Bangs
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