1. |
Liz The Hot Receptionist
03:43
|
|||
Her father died and left her almost nothing in his will
She had a schizophrenic roommate and a place on Murray Hill
She wanted a career that didn’t take a lot of skill
Her roommate had an IUD and she was on the pill.
She was young
She was cute
She took the bus
She wore a suit
She bought sudokos
for her commute
What’s upstairs?
There’s not a lot
(But it doesn’t mean she isn’t hot.)
That’s all she is.
She’s Liz The Hot Receptionist
Married guys at work were always looking down her shirt
They would hang around her desk on their way to take a squirt
She wouldn’t get involved- she was afraid of getting hurt
But cocktails were expensive so she knew she had to flirt
She passed the time.
She paid the rent
She learned to be subservient
Her skin got dry from the heating vent.
What’s upstairs?
There’s not a lot.
(But it doesn’t mean she isn’t hot.)
That’s all she is.
She’s Liz:
The Hot Receptionist
Harris gave her Tic Tacs
Martin gave her Diet Coke
Watzman bought her cookies
Porter gave her dope
She never got promoted
Always wondered why
Her desk was by the printer:
easy to stop by.
Liz! Liz! Liz!
She met a guy in real estate
He put her name on his license plate
They make their home in the Garden State
What’s upstairs?
There’s not a lot
(But it doesn’t mean she isn’t hot)
That’s all she is.
She’s Liz The Hot Receptionist
Hunh!
|
||||
2. |
Back Burner Guy
03:06
|
|||
I’ve got a boyfriend
everything’s great
But it could fall through
if you’re willing to wait
Cheating on him is something I won’t do
But there’s room in my life
for a guy like you:
Even though I’ve got a man
I’ve gotta have a back up plan.
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
When he works late we can meet on the sly
He’s number one.
But you’re number two
Won’t you be my back burner dude?
You’ll always have a place in my heart.
We can about books.
We can talk about art.
If things go wrong
like they sometimes do
I can drop kick him:
cuz I’ve got you.
It’d feel pretty nice
To have a guy like you on ice.
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
You’ll never kiss me so don’t even try
Don’t want to cheat- just want to know I can.
Won’t you be my back burner man?
When I’m feeling insecure I’ll call
You can stroke my ego but that’s all.
When he’s distant, when he comes home late
I’ll still know that you think that I’m great.
When I’ve got you
it’s a funny thing
I won’t be neurotic.
I won’t have to cling
As long as I know you lust after me.
I can be the girl he wants me to be.
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
The position’s yours if you want to apply
You’re more than a friend;
you’re a back up plan
Won’t you be my back burner man?
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
Won’t you be my Back Burner Guy?
|
||||
3. |
Jill Used To Be Normal
01:48
|
|||
Jill used to be normal
But now she is a freak.
Isn’t it strange
The way that she changed?
She was a golden young girl
She stays in the house
She’s always asleep
She looks so sad
She never talks to me
She stopped seeing her friends
She dropped off of the team
She always looks mad
She walks around in a dream
She dresses in black
I never see her laugh
It’s not how she used to be
uhhh
Jill used to be normal
but now we never speak
Isn’t it strange seeing her change
She was a golden young girl.
golden young girl.
Jill used to be happy
but now she is a freak
Isn’t it strange the way that she changed
She was a golden young girl.
Golden young girl.
Golden young girl.
Golden young girl.
|
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4. |
||||
To Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
I really loved our conversation
I thought it was so weird and coincidental
We’re both into Goethe
and meditation
I lost you at the taxi stand
So I never said goodbye to you
I should’ve got your digits too
Julie On the Fung Wah bus
Julie On the Fung Wah bus
I’m posting on Missed Connections
I hope you’ll read it
I hope you’ll write me back
To Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
I bought the Yma Sumac song you recommended
She’s amazing
You were totally right about the way it ended
I listened to it six times through
And every time I thought of you
Every time I thought of you,
Julie On the Fung Wah bus
Julie On the Fung Wah bus
I’m posting on Missed Connections
I hope you’ll read it
I hope you’ll write me back
When you get back
From your cousin’s house
in Gloucester.
I thought it was obvious
But I guess you didn’t have a clue
How taken I was with you:
Julie On the Fung Wah bus
Julie On the Fung Wah bus
I’m posting on Missed Connections
I hope you’ll read it
I hope you’ll write me back
When you get back
From your cousin’s house.
Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
From your cousin’s house
Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
When you get back
From your cousin’s house
Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
When you get back
From your cousin’s house in Gloucester
|
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5. |
||||
Just like a dishwasher needs a dish.
You’ve gotta have a wish.
Just like a theme park needs a theme
You’ve gotta have a dream
If you don’t have a passion
Choose whatever’s in fashion
In cocktail conversation
It gives you something to say
Like a junkie needs her dope
You’ve gotta have hope.
Like a breast needs an aureole
You’ve got to have a goal.
You need something to flail at
Something for you to fail at.
A star up there to stare at
From millions of miles away.
It’s essential
it’s determinenal
if you don’t want something monumental
You must want something you don’t have
some crazy creed
Something just beyond your reach
some luscious peach you’ll never bite
some delight you’ll never know
something to blow.
A dream will help align you
Helps the critics confine you
Gives a value to assign you
It’s a game that you’ve got to play
Just like a stripper needs a pole
You’ve gotta have a goal.
Just like a color has a scheme.
You’ve gotta have a dream
You’ve gotta have a dream
Like an anorexic needs self-esteem
Like a Russian needs to take a steam
Like a salmon needs to swim upstream
You've gotta have a dream.
You’ve gotta have a dream
You’ve gotta have a dream
|
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6. |
Vanity Surfin
02:13
|
|||
There’s a brand new surfin’ sensation
For the sedentary generation
It’s rad!
And it’s sweepin’ the country.
Let’s go!
Vanity Surfin’
Vanity Surfin’
I’ve got my search engine open
And it’s searchin’ for me.
Stayin’ out of the burnin’ sun
We’re at our desks and we’re havin’ fun.
Log on!
It’s a special kind of masturbation.
I’m inside and the shades are drawn
I’ve got my computer on
I’m getting off
On googling me…
Let’s go!
Vanity Surfin’
Vanity Surfin’
I’ve got Safari open
And it’s surfin’ for me.
We sit there like bumps on logs
Lookin’ for ourselves on peoples’ blogs
Boot up!
For some ego gratification.
Let's go!
Vanity Surfin’
Surfin'
Searchin'
Searchin’ for me.
Searchin’ for me.
Let’s go!
.
|
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7. |
I'm Around
03:43
|
|||
It’s Monica
I had fun tonight
Just letting you know I got home allright
Did you go back out?
Cuz I thought you might.
Dude that’s rude
you bite!
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around.
It’s me again
Just sayin hi.
Guess you’re out
Well I thought I’d try.
Basically I'm free tonight.
If you want me to swing by
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’ve been away for a day or two
If you wondered why I wasn’t calling you
Do you miss me?
You know you do!
Call me back - it’s you know who.
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around.
Hey what you up to?
Give me a buzz back
Here’s my number
You wanna hang out
Give me a call back
Just trying you again.
YOU HAVE 4 NEW MESSAGES
Hey you, it’s monica.
NEXT MESSSAGE.
Hi. It’s Monica.
NEXT MESSSAGE.
It’s me. Monica. Trying to get ahold of you.
NEXT MESSSAGE.
Hey screener it’s Monica
It’s Monica
It’s half past ten
Trying to get ahold of you again
You said you’d call
O.K. well, when?
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around.
I’m around
|
||||
8. |
The Vixen
02:42
|
|||
9. |
I Miss Your Arm
03:27
|
|||
When I told you that I didn’t want any part of you
It wasn’t true
Cuz part of me still misses parts of you…
I miss your arm.
The rest of you just lacked a certain charm.
Your mouth and eyes just told me lies
But your arm was nice and warm.
It never rubbed me wrong or caused me harm.
I miss your knee
Pressed against me in a movie
Beside me on the train
It never turned against me like your heart
Or changed its mind about me like your brain.
I miss your hair.
If I never see your face again
I swear that I don’t care
Your grumpy moods
Your taste in shoes
Your arrogance
The way you dance
The way you left your laundry on the stair
I’ll never miss those things
The way I miss your hair.
I wish the stuff about you
That I was so attached to
Was not attached to you.
It isn’t fair.
I miss your hair
I miss your knee
I miss your arm.
Do they miss me?
|
||||
10. |
I Hope You're Happy
03:45
|
|||
I hope you’re happy.
I hope you’re where you want to be.
I hope you’re happy
Just not happier than me.
I heard you had another baby.
How old’s the first one?
He must be three.
I’m happy for you
‘cause when we broke up,
you said you wanted a big family.
I heard you sold your old apartment
I heard you got a decent price
I heard you guys moved out to Brooklyn
I forget which neighborhood but I heard it’s nice.
I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re where you want to be
I hope you’re happy-
Just not happier than me.
Will you say hi to your sister for me?
I feel bad we didn’t stay in touch
It’s really a shame
Because I always liked her very much.
I found a picture from when we first moved in together.
I forgot your hair was so long.
We looked happy then and it made me realize
How well you and I actually used to get along.
Do you remember when we took ecstacy and we stopped fooling around because we wanted to call your grandmother?
Remember when I ate that sandwich that was on the floor of the van and you said that was the thing that made you fall in love with me?
Do you remember when we drove out to Death Valley at night in that rented convertible, and the moon was so bright that we drove without the headlights on and there was nothing on the radio so we were singing Bruce Springsteen songs and you were singing Born to Run and when you got to the part where he says “Will you walk with me out on the wire” I don’t know why but we both started crying?
I hope you’re happy
Hope you’re where you want to be.
I hope you’re happy.
Just not happier, happier than me.
Just not happier, happier than me.
Just not happier
than me.
|
||||
11. |
Alcoholics In My Town
04:20
|
|||
There’s Mrs. Powers-
our old teachers’ aid.
She sits down at the Copper Kettle for hours
Drinking vodka lemonade.
She passed out in her lawn chair
at the Fireman’s Parade
She’s an alcoholic in my town.
There’s Colleen Sullivan
Drinking on the bus at away games.
Making out with guys from other schools.
Doesn’t even know their last names.
She burned her pants in a bonfire
standing too close to the flames.
She’s an alcoholic in my town
Another alcoholic in my town
Another Southern Comfort
Another Yukon Jack
Another Cuervo Gold
Keep em comin’
Keep on rockin’
This party never gets old
There’s Little Dave
Hangin' out at Cumberland Farms.
He got fired from Sikorsky last week
Cuz he pulled the fire alarm.
He gets a little rowdy
But he don’t mean any harm.
There’s Jimmy Hudak
You know his brother Bill?
One time they locked the guy in a port-a-john.
And rolled him down a hill.
People say they should grow up
But you know they never will-
They’re alcoholics.
That’s Debbie’s father
He’s really cool
Last summer he backed his riding mower
Into the swimming pool.
He keeps a keg in his basement.
And we drink there after school.
He’s an alcoholic
In my town.
Another alcoholic
In my town.
Happy days
the party never ends
Here’s to all us
alcoholics
Another round for my friends.
One more round for my friends.
|
||||
12. |
Pathetic
03:14
|
|||
How come every time I order food at a restaurant I get all shy and apologetic and subservient?
Like any waiter or waitress has a total position of authority over me.
Like what’s my problem? I’m not worthy of ordering a meal?
I'm such an idiot.
I’m such a loser!
How come I can’t leave an outgoing message on my answering machine without listening back and re-recording it at least 5 times, trying to sound all casual and cool and lighthearted and unrehearsed.
I'm such an idiot.
I’m such a loser!
Why am I so afraid that everyone’s gonna hate me?
It’s pathetic!
Do you hate me for asking if you hate me?
Why am I so suspicious whenever someone likes me?
If you like me then I hate you
You’re pathetic!
Dude I know it.
It’s pathetic.
How pathetic.
If you have the kind of face
that no matter where you go,
you look out of place
,
then I love you.
That’s pathetic
If you’re the kind of person
who can’t make up her mind
,
you must be kind
And I love you
That’s pathetic
If getting dressed
triggers in you
total out-of-hand
self consciousness.
Then I love you.
That’s pathetic
If the simple act
of tipping a barrista
fills you with self-loathing
Then I love you.
That’s pathetic
If you have trouble looking people in the eye
You’re an allright guy
And I love you.
Pathetic!
But if I love you
Will you hate me?
How pathetic
Don’t you think I know it
That’s pathetic
Don’t you think I hate it?
You’re pathetic
Don’t you, don’t you, don’t you think it makes me hate myself?
|
||||
13. |
Dry Spell
04:37
|
|||
She believed in love
But she was starting to doubt it
Then she met a man
Who needed it just as bad
Now it’s hard to believe
She ever lived without it
Dina’s over her dry spell!
Everybody’s glad.
Dina’s over her dry spel!
No more feeling mad.
Like rainstorms in the desert
...mountains in the spring
Like rivers over flowing
Tra la la la la!
Seemed like she was celibate forever
Seemed like she would never get her rocks off
Oh how she longed to get her rocks off
She waited for so long to get her rocks off.
Suddenly she feels pretty
Suddenly she feels young
Suddenly her neighbor on the co-op board is not wrong.
Something has displaced the rage.
The months of feeling numb are done
Carnal knowledge has made the girl a sage
Now she’s in tune with the universal
hum.
|
Jesus H Christ and the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse New York, New York
"Jesus H Christ and the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse has a crusading horn section, some fine guitar playing, and a
growing catalogue of sharply satirical power pop."- The New Yorker
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